Today I’d like to address how to deal with your past homeschooling
experience, whether good or bad. Your homeschooling background is a part of you and has helped to
shape you into who you are today. However, your experience can hold you back if
you do not react to it properly as an adult.
Dealing With A Good Experience
Let’s say you had a fabulous experience being homeschooled.
You had great relationships with your parents and siblings. You received an
excellent academic education. You participated in many unique opportunities,
thanks to the freedom that homeschooling offered you. That’s terrific!
I hope
that this will give you a deep appreciation for homeschooling and that it motivates you
to repeat the experience with your own future children. However, with this
appreciation comes a temptation to feel complacent and to assume that because
you were homeschooled, you have a complete handle on life and have an easy road
ahead of you.
This is not automatically the case. The fact that you were
homeschooled does not mean you know everything you will ever need to know as an
adult. Just because you were homeschooled does not mean you have attained the
utmost height of maturity. Just because you were homeschooled does not mean you
will have preferential treatment in college, in the workforce, or in other
areas of life. In other words, homeschooling gave you a great start towards
adulthood, but you’re not there yet. Be humble and don’t rely solely on your
past for your future.
Homeschoolers are not immune to the big fish/small pond
syndrome. The homeschooling community is relatively small and very
well-connected and it is easy to find a sense of identity based on who you know
or what you (or your parents) have done within that community. However, as you
move into the adult world, you’ll realize that most folks are probably not
going to be impressed that you—yes you—did
the puppet show every year for the children’s track at the state homeschool
convention. People aren’t going to care what homeschool “big wigs” you rubbed
shoulders with or that your mom
founded your co-op or that your dad
wrote a book about homeschooling that has sold a few thousand copies.
Further,
these are temporal and fleeting things. What really counts is who we are in
Christ and what Christ has done for us, not what we have done for Him in our
special circle of influence. The Apostle Paul listed off his credentials too—“[C]ircumcised
on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew
of Hebrews, in regard to the law a Pharisee, as for zeal, persecuting the
church, as for legalistic righteousness, faultless” (Phil. 3:5-6). But he
abhorred the idea of finding his eternal identity in his earthly credentials.
By all means, enjoy being part of the homeschooling
community and appreciate whatever special place you have had there. I’m not
advising you to turn your back or sneer at this unique part of your life. I
personally cherish my homeschooled background and still strongly identify with
the homeschooling community. However, we should resist the temptation to rest
on the laurels of our homeschooling credentials.
Dealing With A Bad Experience
What if you feel like your homeschooling experience had
strong negative elements? Perhaps you feel like you were not pushed as hard
academically as you should have been. Perhaps you think that your parents did
you a disservice by forbidding you to participate in certain social or
extra-curricular activities that you think would have benefited you. Maybe you
believe that your parents taught you to be legalistic, self-righteous, fearful,
or elitist. Maybe the tension between your views and your parents’ views on life
and homeschooling has fostered a bad relationship between you. What then?
First, realize that these problems are not unique to you or
to homeschooling. Similar complaints can be found by graduates of government or
private schools as well. These kinds of problems happen because people are
human. They make mistakes. They have their own handicaps. They are sinful, just
like you and me.
You weren’t a victim of homeschooling. You were a victim of people—flawed people, who nonetheless
loved you and were trying to do the best they could with what they had. Refocus
your frustration by being thankful for what you did learn from your homeschooling experience—which is probably a
lot more than you might think. Above all, do not let bitterness begin to
overtake you. Anger and bitterness will poison your future far worse than a few
missed extra-curricular opportunities will.
Second, keep the past in perspective and move on. If you’ve
just graduated from high school, you statistically have at least three-fourths
of your life left in front of you. The world lies before you. Your life can be
what you make of it.
Do you feel like you have gaps in your education? Besides
the fact that you’re not alone—every graduate from every school has some kind
of educational gap—you’re not helpless to remedy the problem. The Internet and
the library are free and at your disposal. Go study and learn!
Do you feel like
you were badly prepared for the work force? Nothing like on-the-job training!
Get a job—any job!—and ask all the questions you can of everyone you can think
of.
Do you feel like your interpersonal skills are inadequate? Start going to
social events and practice the skills you think you lack.
Do you feel like you
were held captive mentally by legalistic trappings? Rejoice that God has shown
you the light now and study the Scripture with renewed zeal to keep yourself
from falling prey again.
In other words,
refuse to hold the future captive to the past. Keep in mind, if you can so much
as read, you’re already much better
off than many people in the world! Don’t fall prey to a victim mentality.
Others have started from far less and achieved outstanding greatness. You can
too.
You can either value the past or put the past behind you,
depending on your experiences. But just remember: the past is in the past. You are responsible for the future.
Written by Raquelle Sheen
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